Yesterday we had a horrible day.

It was one of those days that had me wondering, how early is too early for the kids to go to bed? Is it ok that I’m thinking about wine at 11am? You know the days. Where no one is getting along and everyone starts having meltdowns over nothing at all.

My littlest felt it the most.

My beautiful boy with the big heart just couldn’t cope with the day. He was literally feeling ALL of the feels. He was upset, he was mad, he was feeling left out. Then I got mad at him and it tipped him over the edge. He said “maybe I should just leave then,” I said “fine.” Then he actually walked out the front door, tears streaming down his little face.

What he needed was his mum to make him feel like everything was going to be ok. To understand that he couldn’t handle the raging emotions he was feeling. To help him navigate his way back from feeling like shit so he could feel like his normal happy self again. Instead I handled it badly because I was tired, cranky and completely over it. 

He didn’t get very far because he realised he couldn’t leave home without all his stuff. He came straight back to start packing his bags. My precious little boy was in his room crying his eyes out and packing his toys into a bag planning his escape from his horrible family.

I took a few deep breaths knowing I needed to somehow sort this shit out. I went and sat in his room and talked to him, trying really hard to keep my cool. After he calmed down I asked him to come to me and I hugged him, he melted into my arms. He was still explaining his plan to leave home while I was hugging him. I told him how much I loved him and he told me that he would leave some of his things in his room for me to remember him by. I hugged him for as long as he wanted to be hugged, I waited for him to let go.

After the dust had settled and he had stopped crying, I suggested he have a bubble bath. I remember my mum always saying, when kids are upset/cranky/over it, to put them in water. Either the ocean, the pool, a bath or a shower. So we put some of his special bubbles in and I snuck in some relaxing essential oils to really help him calm the farm. I sat in the bathroom while he had a bath and we chatted away like nothing had happened.

Just like that I had my happy little boy back, he was whole again. I helped him put his pieces back together. Today the mummy guilt is real, I keep playing it out in my head thinking of all the ways I could have done it better.So today we are taking it slow. I’m paying more attention and trying not to let things get out of hand. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and I said, ‘sure.’ Instead of the usual, ‘no I have things to do.’

My boys are growing up and getting more independent each day, but they still need their mum. And I need them….

Take it slow mumma and hug them tight xo